Somewhere out there, Petee is free. Free from the fear, the noise, the panic, the kind that turns a dog inside out. For most, the 4th of July is BBQs, sparklers, and laughter. For us? It became the day that reminded us of just how broken the world can feel when your pet is in distress and there’s nothing left you can do.

Something went wrong for our boy. I still don’t know where exactly. Maybe it was the way I raised him. Maybe it was his breeding, I knew deep down I should’ve walked away from the backyard breeder, when I saw his mom, bouncing like a maniac in a 5×10 outdoor kennel. That gut feeling never lied, but I ignored it.

Life with Petee wasn’t all bad, though. He was a total goofball. Silly and smart in the weirdest, most lovable ways. But beneath that charm was something I didn’t want to admit: Petee had some darkness. He bit a couple of family members in his first year. Years went by and I thought he outgrew it, because he never bit us, until he didn’t. And by then, I knew I had a serious problem I’d overlooked far too long.

I worked with a trainer, I did everything I could to help him. He started fearing things he never feared before. The world became too loud, too bright, too much.

The 4th of July was the worst of it. He would rip up doors, hurt himself trying to escape. We had to resort to giving him pills. Hiding didn’t help. There was no safe place, no peace. And at some point, we had to face the truth: This wasn’t living. Not for him. Not for us.

I still carry that pain. But I also carry the good, the laughs, the licks, the wild zoomies, the weird little habits that made him him.

So on 4th of July, we don’t celebrate like we used to not anymore and probably not ever again. Not in the loud, traditional sense. We’ll think of you, Petee. Our goofy, anxious, smart, misunderstood boy. Somewhere out there, the sky is quiet. The fireworks don’t boom. And you’re finally at peace.

Miss you, Petee boy. You don’t ever have to be afraid again.

Happy 4th of July to everyone be kind so many animals are so scared this time of year.