You ever walk away from a conversation and think,

“Ugh. Why did I say that?”

Or maybe, “Why didn’t I say anything at all?”

Yeah, same.

Turns out, most of us fall into one of three communication styles. I first heard about this from Mel Robbins (you know I love a good Mel moment), and it made me stop and think about how I show up in tough conversations, especially the ones that really matter.

So let’s break it down.

🕊️ The Passive Communicator

This is the “I’m fine” crew, when they’re really not fine.

They avoid conflict like the plague, sugarcoat how they feel (if they say it at all), and often stay quiet to “keep the peace.” But here’s the kicker:

They’re not at peace.

They’re stewing in silence, bottling things up, and slowly burning out from feeling unheard.

Been there? I have. It’s exhausting.

🔥 The Aggressive Communicator

You’ll know when this one enters the chat. They come in hot.

They raise their voice, interrupt, use blame or criticism to push a point, and often intimidate without realizing it.

They might seem powerful, but it’s usually just fear dressed up as control.

Sometimes, it’s the only style they were ever shown, especially in homes where yelling was the norm.

💬 The Assertive Communicator (AKA the goal)

This is the sweet spot. The middle lane.

Assertive communicators speak clearly and kindly.

They say what they mean without steamrolling anyone.

They hold boundaries without turning everything into a war.

They’re honest, direct, and grounded, even when emotions are high.

This is where connection happens. Where hard conversations get handled without damage.

So, which one sounds like you?

Here’s the thing, you might slide between them depending on who you’re talking to. (Guilty.)

I’ve been passive with people I’m afraid of losing. I’ve been aggressive when I feel cornered. And I’m learning, slowly, how to be assertive without apologizing for it.

It’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about getting more aware.

Mel always says, “You can’t change what you’re not aware of.”

So here I am, trying to change.

How about you?